Posts Tagged ‘Olde Homestead Golf Club’

Golf Joke

January 24, 2011

One day a man decided to retire…

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life; that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. “I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. “On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says.

So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and treehouse.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please.”

“Would you like a drink?”

“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”

“It’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a pina colada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smells faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There’s something I’m certain you feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for, right?” She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

“You’ve built a Golf Course ?”

Blond Golf Joke

November 20, 2010

Two blond women were playing golf at and got up to a blind shot par 3, they could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in.

The blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they asked the golf pro for a ruling after the round.

After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots  the pro asked, “Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?”

Doctor of Interest in Erica Blasberg Suicide Charged With Misdemeanor

August 26, 2010

Okay, so Dr. Thomas Hess was “friends” with Erica Blasberg. They watched golf together at her home, went to a local casino together, and played golf together two days prior to finding her dead in her Henderson, Nevada home.

Now Dr. Hess is trying to explain why he removed evidence from her house the evening he alleges that he found her dead… things like prescription medication, and oh yeah… the suicide note. “I know doing that was – was stupid, but I was trying to save some embarrassment for her.”

Or better yet – maybe some embarrassment for him? Mel Blasberg, Erica’s father, has told ESPN that he thinks that Dr. Thomas Hess and his daughter had an intimate relationship. It’s worth noting that the nature of their relationship hasn’t been confirmed, as the police are not commenting on it.

Hess was arrested after being charged with a misdemeanor for obstruction of justice for removing the medication and the suicide note. He was released after posting bail.

ARTICLE

My thought: Her father would be well served to hire an attorney and keep digging. Contrary to what the police might think, most people don’t see this as an open and shut case. I don’t know whose interest is being served here, but it sure as hell isn’t Mel Blasberg’s or his daughter’s….

Post-Divorce Tiger Finding Form at Barclays

August 26, 2010

Must. Fight. Urge. To. Say. He’s. Back.

Not gonna do it. As much as I believe Tiger Woods‘ competitive spirit elevates the interest in the game, I’m gonna withhold preordaining his return. But I will say that the timing of everything is interesting. Just started working with a new instructor… just finalized a divorce… continues to try to earn his way onto the upcoming Ryder Cup team. Everything seems to be moving in a much better direction.

But can he carry that momentum over into the second round? That, to me, is the next step. We’ll see tomorrow.

WOODS EXCITED BY GOOD START AT RIDGEWOOD – PGATOUR.COM

Mickelson Slams PGA Tour, Tim Finchem for Furyk DQ

August 26, 2010

I find myself straddling the fence with this most recent issue to surface regarding the tour’s pro-am policy. It appears that most of the players on tour, however, clearly stand on the player’s side of that fence.

Take a moment to read THIS ARTICLE that came out in October of 2009. And while reading that article, keep in mind that our nation’s economy was on the brink of collapse. Companies and corporations that were fully expecting to post epic losses were forced to lay off thousands of workers in the process, with unemployment rates that were as high as they had been in nearly 30 years. But despite that, many of those same companies and corporations honored their commitments to remain title sponsors of some of the big events on the PGA Tour.

That article was written by an “anonymous pro” who apparently wasn’t none too thrilled about having to “put on a smiley face” at a dinner function or “schmooze” with the tour’s sponsors at the events. It’s also apparent that this anonymous pro wasn’t overly concerned about being laid off from work, losing his health insurance, losing his home, and having to live day-to-day like millions of other people in the real world. No, that anonymous pro’s indignant attitude revealed a degree of entitlement and privilege that made it impossible to relate to the average, everyday worker who suddenly faced a crisis of uncertainty and hopelessness.

It’s worth noting that the author of that article doesn’t necessarily represent the attitudes of everyone playing professional golf. I noted the article to simply reinforce the fact that that attitude does exist, however. Now back to the issue at hand….

I understand that the average touring professional is, in essence, an independent contractor who (once you remove a few product endorsements for a select few) basically works on commission. There’s work involved. There are meetings that have to be attended. What time isn’t spent traveling from venue to venue is then divided up between business commitments, practice, and last but certainly not least – time spent with family. That life isn’t nearly as flexible and laid back as a lot of people might otherwise believe.

But on that same token, the guys who’re safely inside the top 125 on the money list – they’re living comfortable lives. Not all of them are driving $90k sportsters or SUV’s, but they’re not struggling to pay bills, they can afford the best healthcare in the world, and can afford to send their kids to ivy-league schools if they so choose. As good as they are, and as much as they entertain the fans through their vocation, they’re enabled to do so by virtue of the people who pay to watch them perform. Without those title sponsors, without those fans, that comfortable life would have to be earned in a much tougher, greedier business world.

In this economic climate especially – supporting the people who continue to support you is vital. If that means showing up at 0-dark thirty to play a grueling 6-hour pro-am with three guys who can’t break 100, well then, that’s what it means. If it means putting on a “smiley face” and “schmoozing” with some of the clients of the title sponsors, then again – that’s part of the deal.

All of this said, I also recognize that maybe a small degree of leeway should be granted regarding the rare instances like what occurred with Jim Furyk on Wednesday morning. If I was one of the amateurs who forked over $7000 to play in the event, I’d rather enjoy the neat experience with one of the top players in the world for 16 or 17 holes than to not experience it at all. And in this instance in particular, where it was clearly an unintentional situation with the player showing up a mere 5 minutes later than usual, I do believe Phil Mickelson has a point in his argument.

The players on the PGA Tour should treat these pro-ams no differently than they would a round in a tournament, but I do think that to some extent – removing the player from the tournament because of him being a couple of minutes late for the pro-am also impacts the fans who might’ve purchased tickets to watch that player play that week. So the flip side of that stringent policy can also be seen as somewhat of a detriment to giving the fans what they came there for to begin with – the bigger show.

I still straddle the fence, but I will say that just because “rules are rules” doesn’t mean that any particular rule is practical and not worth amending. I think the players and the tour policy advisors need to meet somewhere in the middle here, and work on an equitable solution. And at the same time, I think it gives Finchem and his staff another opportunity to tell his players just how vital and important their sponsors really are. I think that premise gets a lot of lip service, but beyond that – from where I sit anyway, I don’t see an overwhelming concern about it.

PHIL MICKELSON CALLS FURYK DQ REDICULOUS

Woods Addresses Media About Divorce, Playoffs

August 26, 2010

I will say this much about Tiger Woods… While the past 9 months have obviously taken some of the sheen off of his image, his interviews continue to remain as polished as ever.

Interesting interview, courtesy of PGATOUR.COM

TIGER WOODS AT THE BARCLAYS

47-yr-old Steals US Amateur Limelight

August 25, 2010

It does my heart good to read about old guys kicking some butt. Jeff Wilson’s 10-under par round of 62 on Monday? That’s just freakin awesome… dude runs a used car dealership in California. Good on ya, Jeff!

ARTICLE

Who Can a Young Fan Look Up To? It’s Tough

August 25, 2010

Yes, it’s a slow news day. Here’s some interesting fluff, courtesy of Frank Deford, of NPR.

ARTICLE

Fred Funk wins third Champions Tour major – Tours & News – Golf.com

August 23, 2010

Fred Funk wins third Champions Tour major – Tours & News – Golf.com.

Always a pleasure to watch Fred Funk play golf. He gets about his business, doesn’t play slow, and just always seems eager to be out playing in front of the fans. And, of course, it’s always nice to see one of the shorter hitters take down the bombers on a course ill-suited for guys who can’t bust it off the tee.

Very happy to see him win today. Well played, Mr. Funk.

Golf Joke

August 20, 2010

Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life hanging
question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem, for us, you’d better say so now!”

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

“I see,” Ed replied thoughtfully.

He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”


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